从学生文稿中选取了八份进行了点评，大家可以比较一下看看自己是不是也犯了同样的错误，看看该如何修改别人的译文，只有会修改了才说明真正明白了！在此强调一点：翻译不是机械堆砌的工作！希望大家先夯实自己的双语功底再来攻克翻译！途径无它，加大阅读量（特别是双语材料的逆向翻译训练）！

学员一：

1.中国特色社会主义法律体系的形成，总体上解决了有法可依的问题。在这种情况下，有法必依、执法必严、违法必究的问题就显得更突出、更紧迫。这也是广大人民群众和社会各方面普遍关注的问题。因此，我们要采取以下措施，切实保障宪法和法律的有效实施。

The formation of the legal system with Chinese characteristics ensures that there are laws and regulations to go by on general. Under this circumstance, it has become more prominent and urgent to guarantee that laws must be observed and strictly enforced and violators must be brought to justice. It is also a problem drawing wide attention from the masses and all sectors of the society. Therefore, we should take the following measures to ensure the effective implementation of the Constitution and laws.

问题：介词使用；情态动词、语感的拿捏；主被动的切换；

2.一要维护宪法和法律的权威和尊严。一切国家机关、武装力量、各政党、各社会团体、各企事业单位都必须遵守宪法和法律，任何组织或者个人都不得有超越宪法和法律的特权。

First, we must maintain the authority and sanctity of the Constitution and laws. All state organs, armed forces, parties, social groups, enterprises and public institutions must abide by the Constitution and laws. Any organization or individual does not enjoy a privilege of acting outside the Constitution and laws.

3.二要坚持依法行政和公正司法。国家行政机关要严格按照法定权限和程序办事，加快建设法治政府。国家审判机关、检察机关要依法独立公正行使审判权、检察权，维护社会公平正义。

Second, we must adhere to law-based administration and judicial justice. All state administrative organs must strictly perform their duties based on the legal limit of authorities and proceedings and step up building a government under the rule of law. The state judicial and procuratorial organs should excise their judicial and procuratorial rights in an independent and fair manner according to laws so as to maintain the social fairness and justice,.

想想该怎么改？

4.三要增强全社会的法律意识和法治观念。让各级领导干部和国家机关工作人员带头遵守宪法和法律，善于运用法律解决现实生活中的实际问题，让广大人民群众懂得依法按程序表达利益诉求、解决矛盾纠纷，用法律武器维护自身的合法权益。

Third, we must strengthen the social legal awareness and the conception of rule by law. Leaders at all levels and staffs of state organs must take the lead in complying with the Constitution and laws and know how to use law to resolve practical problems in real life. The masses should be able to express requests concerning their interests and resolve conflicts and disputes according to the legal process so as to protect their legitimate rights and interests by utilizing the laws.

  评析：有没有参照官方译文？如果没有的话，行文基本顺畅，选词基本到位，但是一些细节处还需进一步加强，如：介词的使用、冠词的选择、措词、语感等。总之，具有翻译意识，有潜力，加油！

学员二：

1.       让公务员热回归正常，让更多青年到更广阔的人才市场上去追逐梦想，政府应创造更加公平的就业创业条件，应继续提高并调整社会保障的水平。“很多受教育程度良好的年轻人，都挤着想去做公务员，这是一种严重的浪费。”近日，诺贝尔经济学奖获得者埃德蒙•菲尔普斯如是说。从经济学的角度看，做公务员萧规曹随、按部就班，似乎不需要那么多创新力，那些教育程度高、创新点子多的年轻人更应该搞研究、办公司，社会才有大的活力，国家才有大的希望。

In order to cool civil servant frenzy down and encourage more youth to realize their dreams in a broader labor market ,government should provide a more equitable environment and continue to readjust and improve social security .“A lot of well-educated young people are rushing to do civil servants, which is a serious waste” says the Nobel winner in economics Edmund.Phelps recently . From the perspective of economics , being a civil servant doesn’t need too much creativity and they just need to do what they are told. Well-educated and creative young people should do more researches ,set up companies ,which can bring more dynamism and hope to the society and the country.

评析：翻译痕迹很重，亦步亦趋，不知变通和取舍；应该加大英文报刊杂志的阅读量，摘取精妙表达，注意外文选词。中英文之间切换有很大的技巧，绝不是字词的堆砌！逻辑关系处理也不够清楚。总之，语言基本功还不够扎实，翻译技巧没有掌握，翻译中的逻辑问题没有注意！建议通过阅读大量输入，然后才能有出色的输出！

学员三：

1.应用原理与介绍

Application Principle and Introduction

2.MOCVD外延设备应用于LED等行业。MO源及载气传输到反应室，以质量流量计控制气体流量，反应物进入反应室后经载气传输到衬底表面反应形成外延薄膜。

MOCVD epitaxial equipment is applied to LED and other industries. MO source and carrier gas are sent to the reaction chamber, gas flow is controlled by mass flowmeter and when reactant enters into the reaction chamber, the reactant is transmitted to substrate by carrier gas and epitaxy film is formed through reaction.逻辑关系？句子切分？

3.反应腔是MOCVD最重要的部位，材料的特性与设备的好坏都由它决定。反应腔主要是所有气体混合及发生反应的地方，腔体通常是由不锈钢(带有冷却水回路)或是石英(太危险已成历史)所打造而成，而腔体的内壁通常具有由石英或是高温陶瓷所构成的内衬。在腔体中会有一个乘载盘(Wafer Carrier / Suscepetor)用来乘载基板，这个乘载盘必须能够有效率地吸收从加热器所提供的能量而达到薄膜成长时所需要的温度，而且还不能与反应气体发生反应，所以多半是用石墨所制造而成。(因为成长GaN需要NH3做为反应源，而NH3在高温时有腐蚀性所以石墨会镀上SiC保护。)加热器的设置，有的设置在反应腔体之内，也有设置在腔体之外。在反应腔体内部通常有许多可以让冷却水流通的通道，可以让冷却水来避免腔体本身在薄膜成长时发生过热的状况。

Reaction chamber is the most essential part of MOCVD, which determines material property and equipment quality. Reaction chamber is a place where all gases are mixed up and react and the chamber is usually made of stainless steel (with cooling water loop) or quartz (no longer be used because it causes danger) and the inner wall of the chamber usually has a lining made of quartz or high-temperature ceramic. In the chamber there is a wafer carrier / suscepetor for carrying basilar plate. This wafer carrier must be capable of absorbing energy from heating effectively to reach the temperature that film growth needs and do not react with reactant gas, so usually the wafer carrier is made of graphite. (Because growing GaN needs NH3 as the reaction source and at high temperature NH3 is corrosive, so graphite will be plated with SiC.) Sometimes the heater is installed inside the reaction chamber or sometimes outside of chamber. Normally there are many cooling water passages inside the reaction chamber, which can avoid overheating of the chamber when growing film.

逻辑词使用问题比较严重！

4.公司成功的案例

Successful cases of the company

我们公司为多家知名的设备生产商提供MOCVD加热器以及相关零部件。为设备生产商及终端MOCVD设备使用者降低成本，提高竞争力。

Our company supplies MOCVD heaters and relevant components for a number of major equipment manufacturers, saving cost and improving competitiveness for equipment manufacturers and MOCVD equipment users.ing使用时的逻辑关系；句子主从句的划分；

5.我们的优势

Our Advantages

6.传承钢铁研究总院60年的经验积累，拥有先进的难熔金属材料制备工艺，是国内最早参与MOCVD加热器设计和研发的企业。

Inherit 60-year experience of CISRI;

Advanced preparation technology of refractory metal materials;

The first company involved in design and R&D of MOCVD heater in China;

7.具有精密的机加工技术，为蓝宝石外延提供精确的温度和均匀的加热器。

Proficient in precise machining technology;

Capable of offering precise temperature and evenly-heated heater for sapphire epitaxy;

8.可以与您一起设计和改善MOCVD设备，20余位的专业的技术工程师随时候命奔赴您的生产线，为您建言献策。

We can design and enhance MOCVD equipment with you and 20 specialized technical engineers can head to your production line and offer advice and suggestions for you at any time

9.技术革新脚步从未停止。作为一个国家直属上市公司，我们肩负着国内难熔金属技术提升的重任。每年技术研发资金投入、新型装备上线，产品不断推新。

Never settle in our quest to improve technology. As a listed state-run company, we are committed to enhancing refractory metal technology in China. Each year we receive R&D fund and our new equipments and new products enter into market.逻辑词的使用

10.公司通过ISO9001、14001和OHSAS18001体系认证，为您提供合格的高品质产品。

The company has been approved by ISO9001,14001 and OHSAS18001 system, a guarantee of high-quality product for you.

11.了解更多

欢迎您点击了解我们关于LED产业链的应用材料，包括钨坩埚、钨管、钨钼合金、烧结钼坩埚、旋压钼坩埚、铼和铼合金等，同时也欢迎您点击了解更多的产品引用，包括蓝宝石长晶炉、封装材料、石英连熔和高温工业炉等。

Further information

Get to know applied materials of LED industry chain and they include tungsten crucible, tungsten tube, tungsten-molybdenum alloy, sintering molybdenum crucible, spinning molybdenum crucible, Re and Re alloy and etc. Get to our product references and they include sapphire growth furnace, encapsulating material, electric-arc quartz, high temperature industrial furnace and etc.

评析：语言基本功可以，但是对句子的逻辑关系把握有待加强；英语不是AND的天下！应该多阅读国外公司网站，吸收借鉴相关地道表达！

学员四：

1.上海作为国际知名的商务中心，有最著名的海港，亚洲最重要的证券市场之一，以及世界500强都不能忽视的巨大市场。作为国际化大都市，上海将承办2010年世博会，成为发展中国家城市的首个东道主。本届世博会的主题--城市，使生活更美好。有着1700万人口的上海将于2010年5月至10月举行的世博会，预期将有创纪录的7000万人次参观。上海本次计划投资30亿美元，全面建设基础设施。在世博会期间，为了保证交通顺畅，将投入更多的资金用于城市道路和地铁的建设。按照世博会的相关规定，将建设一批会展展馆，建在黄浦江两岸，包括高科技展厅和会议中心。上海市政府决心通过世博会不断改善城市生活。许多重要基础设施将在2010年前竣工。世博会后，大部分将被改造成生活、办公、休闲设施。

Serving as an international commercial center,Shanghai,a harbour metropolis ,is one of the important stock markets in Asia,and a huge market attracting the world's top 500. This city holds a population of 17 million. In 2010, it  will undertake of the World Expo with its expression of "Better City,Better Life",the first among its counterparts in developing countries.The six months from  May to October will witness a breakthrough in its recorded history by welcoming almost 70 million visitors. The 3 billion investment involved in this Shanghai expo will be fully used for infrastructure.

Thanks to its more investment in highways,roads,and

subways construction,visitors will not have to concern about traffic jam during the expo.The construction of expo pavilions including scientific exhibition stands and meeting center will be completed along both sides of the Huangpu River,according to the relevant items of the expo.

The Shanghai government ,with full determination,will further improve citizen's well-being in ways that undertaking this expo. After the expo,many major infrastructure ,which will be completed before 2010,will be transferred to function for the use of leisure, business and entertainment.

评析：很不认真，是不是首先应该把标点和分段、分句处理好啊？

2.语言基本功很不扎实，存在明显的闭门造车问题；建议大量阅读英文报刊杂志，或者多做做逆向翻译训练：先看一篇英汉双语对照的汉语译文，自己翻译成英文，再与英文原文比较，摘抄其中的表达和句式，一定要记得复习！日积月累，翻译功底才会有所提升！

学员五：

1.中国是一个发展中国家。多年来，中国在致力于自身发展的同时，始终坚持向经济困难的其他发展中国家提供力所能及的援助，承担相应国际义务。

As a developing country striving for self-reliant development, China remains committed to assisting other poverty-stricken developing countries and identifies ourselves with one of the responsible members of the international community.

求教：

1、我分析整段的核心意思是第二句的两个do sth，所以将事实句“中国是一个发展中国家”与非主干部分“在致力于自身发展的同时”整合，不知这样是否可取呢？整合没有问题

2、“力所能及的”没有翻译这里算不算漏译呢？我没翻译是觉得本段主要意思已经讲完，而且它与下段的“量力而行”、“尽力开展”重复了。确实是重复了，但是在后面你也没有翻译出这层意思啊，所以依然是漏译！

3、“承担相应国际义务”我名词化了，其实本想说成take on ons`s responsibilities或者fulfill one`s international obligations，不知道哪一种选择更为恰当呢？

4、这里的identifies ourselves with...中的ourselves能不能指代China呢？会不会混淆？

中国仍量力而行，尽力开展对外援助，帮助受援国增强自主发展能力，丰富和改善人民生活，促进经济发展和社会进步。中国的对外援助，发展巩固了与广大发展中国家的友好关系和经贸合作，推动了南南合作，为人类社会共同发展作出了积极贡献。

Despite many challenges at home, we have a strong track record of employing foreign aid policies. We have helped recipient countries build up their capacity for self-driven development, improved people`s well-being and promoted the economic and social development. In doing so, we have strengthened friendly ties and trade cooperation with many developing countries, furthered South-South cooperation and contributed our share to the joint development of the entire human race.

求教：

5、我将原文切分了principle,do sth与result三部分，时态用完成时，不知准不准确呢？可以，逻辑清晰！

6、本段小词的选择让我很困扰，比如：“丰富和改善人民生活”我很犹豫要不要翻出“丰富”，但是找不到合适的词；“促进经济发展和社会进步”需要两个全翻译吗？可不可以直接说help grow the economy？要翻译出来，enrich; 需要全部翻译，此处是政治概念，经济发展了，可能社会并没有进步，社会的概念很宽泛，包括方方面面，如：人的思想道德观念等等。这也是中国的特色表达，国外一般不会提及社会，所以，不能一概而论，特色表达特别对待！

学员六：

1.PS：论文摘要，正赶上韩老师做慈善~3q3q!~

交替传译作为口译的两种主要工作模式之一，相较同声传译，准确度更高、保密性更强，因此受到高级别私人会谈或访谈的青睐。然而，在交替传译学习初级阶段，笔记的习得和“自动化”是译员面临的一大障碍。研究表明，造成这一问题的主要原因是笔记结构安排的不合理和逻辑关系记录不清晰。针对此问题，本文使用CRI栏目下的PIK (People in the Know) 国际关系系列内容作为实验素材，采用Andrew Gillies在Note-taking for consecutive interpreting: A short course一书中所建议的笔记结构加以整理、完善和内化，最终形成既有个人特色、又可被广泛借鉴的笔记结构，即能帮助译员理清演讲原文的逻辑脉络，从庞杂的信息中提取核心信息，避免信息在译员脑中杂乱无序的状态，最终帮助译员在译出阶段更好地重新原文信息。

As one of the two major working modes of interpreting, consecutive interpreting (CI) overtakes simultaneous interpreting (SI) with its higher degree of accuracy and privacy. Given this/As such, CI has been/is more widely used/embraced in high-level private talks and interviews. However, the acquisition and “automation” of the CI note stands as a big barrier for interpreters at the beginning/outset of their CI learning. In this connection, taking international relations in PIK (People in the Know), a program of CRI, as experimental materials, a structured note with individual characteristics that can also be widely referred takes shape by organizing, improving and internalizing the preferred note structure in Note-taking for consecutive interpreting: A short course by Andrew Gillies.切分句子 In so doing, rather than falling into a mess of disorderly information, the above-mentioned structured note can help interpreters identify the logic relationship and core messages of the source speech so as to/in ways that create/render a natural version in the target language.

评析：语言基本功很扎实，行文基本流畅；注意长句切分；学会使用恰当形容词和副词为文章增加张力！

学员七：

What is Globalization?

Globalization is a term of globe community in which events in economy ,politics, environment, culture at one area soon influencing the people in other areas greatly .Globalization is the result of growth of communication ,transportation, and information technologies. Globalization connects relationships among individuals, communities, corporations and all national governments increasingly in economy, politics science and technology. And it also means the growth of multinational and transnational corporation .The organization which supervises the world trade and finance plays a major part steadily in globalization.

1.副词距离修饰的动词太遥远了；从句中的谓语部分；冠词使用；副词使用问题严重；

Most of people are from one country , but they have participated themselves in the life of other countries’ culturally, materially, psychologically more than ever before. The distant affairs in our daily life such as our clothes, food, cars will have huge impact on others rapidly.

2.选词；副词的使用；语感；

Increasing of trade and capital which includes stock, bonds, currency proved the growth of globalization. The volume of exports overall the world had increased 20 times from 1950-2001.

Till 2001, the volume of trade was one quarter of the total products and services in the whole world. For capital, the volume of daily business was 10 billion -20 billion dollars in the early time of 1970s while it was 1.5 trillion dollars at the beginning of 21st century.

3.语言基本功很不扎实；细节不注意，惯用表达积累太少，闭门造车现象严重！建议大量做翻译逆向训练！

Most of experts thought globalization was the result of improving communication, transportation, and information technologies. As we saw, the innovation of communication and information can make currency, stock bonds bargain in a day overall the world. In 1930s the three-minute call from NewYork to London costed 300 dollars ( according to the price in 2000). At that time the cost of communication was too expensive while it costs little at the moment.

The cost of dealing with the business orders can reduce more than 90% because of the advanced communication and information technologies. Traditionally, we might spend several dollars for transactions in bank .But now it only takes several cents because we use the computer to do the business. In the later of 1970 , Computer processing capabilities can reduce the cost at 30% per year. People can soon contact with their clients and their family almost at everywhere and any time .

The advance communication field united the people all over the world at any time. Alongside that, Communications satellites can broadcast TV news about wars, national disaster sports to the whole world .Instant communication was achieved by internet, mobile-phone, and fax machines.

The condition of transportation could also boost the globalization. The-next-day merchandise delivered by jet plane makes the world smaller. Slowly ocean transportation with the improvement by Containerization is regarded as a mode of more efficient and lower cost shipment .

The progress of information technologies slashed the cost of business. For example, Cisco Systems is the largest company in the world in terms of market value. However, only three factories of Cisco produce the equipments for maintain the internet. Cisoco subcontracts its other business to other companies.

The American corporations would like to move out because of the lower cost at overseas. At the same time, foreign manufacturers could set up new factories in USA more easily. Two-thirds of automobiles production which were from Toyota Motor Corp were just manufactured and then sold in North America .

Except for the rapid movement of goods, currency and information, more and more people are mobile at an large extent. Immigrants are one of the greatest feature in the era of globalization.

The money that workers remitted back to home has become the important resource of many countries’ income.

学员八:

1.今天下午，在每日经济新闻主办的2013中国企业绿色发展论坛上，中国绿化基金会常务副秘书长陈蓬表示，当前生态环境已经承受着很大的压力，只有将现有的高效能、高污染的褐色技术转化为低耗能绿色的环保技术，大力发展可再生资源，开发清洁能源，才能让人类拥有美好未来。

2013 China Enterprise Green Development Forum hosted by National Business Daily was held this afternoon.（该句是事实背景句，不宜单独成句） Chenpeng, the administrative vice secretary of China Green Fundation, said great pressure was  bent on ecological envrionment at present. If human beings wish to have a bright future, they  should convert brown technology with high energy and heavy pollution to low wasted green and protective technology, promote  reproductive resources development and exploit clean energy resources.

 2.语言基本功不够扎实，英文词组表达输入过少，太多闭门造车的表达；建议加大阅读量，最好学习翻译或者语言的初期多看看双语的材料帮助自己正确理解相关表达和句式！也可以通过翻译逆向训练来强化翻译意识！